Liar Liar

14 Mar 2008

This post was originally on mouthshut but I decided to consolidate

Act 1 Scene 1: Drawing room, Lethallogic's residence. Seinfield is on TV

Jerry takes a polygraph test only to have the needle waving wildly everytime he lies, finally he strips the polygraph off his wrist and accepts that he has been watching some girlie sitcom

Act 1 Scene 2: Drawing room, Lethallogic's residence. A financial channel is on TV

Uljhayan is downcast after the indices have fallen to their six month lows and is sheepishly asking a plethora of Financial Analysts what their take on the market is and getting very smug confident responses, all suggesting that "retail investors" keep away from the market as "nobody can predict the bottom"

Act 2 Scene 1: Day Dream, Bubble above Lethallogic's head.

All the financial analysts are on the polygraph and Uljhayan is trying to be heard above the din of the needles scratching all across the paper. As each analyst makes any statement the needle goes hay wire and makes giggling sounds as it sweeps across the apparently tiny paper where a swing of an inch is supposed to indicate a fabrication

Act 2 Scene 2: Workroom, Lethallogic's residence. Focus is on list in bold in front of desk:

Sensex                 What the analyst says:                           What he means:
14000                  India is a growth story                           Wow. 14,000 let me cash out
15000                  Domestic consumption is high                Shit. It looks like I was wrong.
                                                                                          Let me buy some shares.
16000                  BRIC countries are roaring                    Oh my god. Should I sell and 
                                                                                          book my profits?
17000                  Double digit growth in the medium         What the f***? Where is all this
                            to long term is a reality                           money coming from?
19000                  There is selective value in the equity       I have no idea what is
                            markets                                                 happening
18000                  The fundamentals are in place                 Damn. Let this interview finish I
                                                                                          need to sell!!!
17000                  India is following global cues                  Should I buy? Maybe this is all?
16000                  The poor IIP numbers have dragged      Dang! I should have sold earlier
                            the sentiment down
15000                  The retail investor should keep away      Maybe I have fooled them
                            as there is too much volatility                  enough. Let me buy

End note:
Seriously, these so called market/financial analysts should just shut up. They are shouting sell everytime the market crashes and buy everytime it reaches new highs. Wasn't the objective of investment just the opposite, buy low sell high? Who gave these guys MBA degrees anyway? A chatwala predicts his daily raw material requirement better than these guys can predict the market movements. From now on my daily dose of humour is not going to come from The Cartoon Channel but from The Finance Channel :-)